As I have been reading through the literature and everything else related, this "step" has me somewhat stumped. I know one doesn't have to believe in a "god" to participate in the program but its still tough for me to think about a "Higher Power" in anything but the terms that I grew up with.
Growing up, "God" was this being beyond reproach. Basically think about Santa Claus with angry issues and that is the "God" of my childhood. Unlike some of the other major religions that penalize its followers for their thoughts, Judaism does not exactly do that. Instead, followers are penalized for their actions; big and small. I remember feeling immediately sick if I accidentally ate something that didn't have a kosher symbol. But I also remember having panic attacks if I broke any of the shabbos rules like tearing toliet paper or stepping on a bug. It was crazy.
As I grew older and I realized that "God" didn't care about what laws I followed. I came to the determination that if there was a "God", they/he/she/it had more important things to do like making sure the world didn't spiral off its axis than if I had the proper concentration on prayers on that given day.
These days, I switch between agnostic and atheist. I long ago accepted that god was not a part of my life anymore, left behind like the books I used to read to keep up with the horrible teachers I had in day school. As part of this step, I have think about what it would be like to surrender to some higher power. It kind of scares me.
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