On Tough times

As some of you are aware, a friend of mine was involved in an accident where he lost both of his parents. He has a long road to recovery ahead but he will be okay.  I cannot do the story the justice Ami does in his post nor do I feel it is my place.

My parents became religious shortly after the death of one my sister’s friends. He was 13 when he passed from Leukemia. I didn’t really know Eric (my sister is 5 years older than me, I was 5 when Eric was first diagnosed).  I remember spending hours in the backroom of a pharmacy while my mom helped organize bone marrow testing drives; time spent in the back of the car taking my sister to and from CHOP in Philly and going to his grandparents when he was in remission (he had all the fun gaming systems, again we are talking the memory of a 5-6 year old here).

My parents’ drive to become religious was because they felt they needed to “do something to make sense of the tragedy that occurred”. I was 8, I didn’t quite understand what they meant; I just knew Eric was gone and my sister was completely a different person. My sister rejected God at that point and though offered scholarships to Jewish high schools went to public school. My brother and I were encouraged to take up “new mitzvoth”.  In addition, our schools were switched (another long post so I will stop the rant here).

With my friend, I find myself in a similar situation to that of what my parents must have felt.  I want to fix things and do something. To be honest, I have always envied the relationships my friends appear to have with their families.  The idea of a “good family” is one that has always been well foreign to me.  For better or worse, while my parents may have been married, I grew up in a broken home with two people that really didn’t like each other or work well as a team. They used their children as wedges to cause conflict and seemingly strengthen their positions over each other. 

My personal feeling from this is I want to attempt to repair some of the damage my parents have done. My family is complicated and its issues are too.  28+ years of mind games and family dramas will do that to anyone.  I know our relationships will never be perfect but we could do with less drama and be something that resembles a family.