On Dreams

As this blog will attest Passover is never an easy time of year for me. Over the past couple of days, I have had a very odd and weird recurring dream.. Maybe it will make sense to someone out there in the webworld. Names are not mentioned to protect the “innocent”

I wake up on school bus. I am dress completely in the frummy clothes of my middle school time (imagine long skirt, long sleeves, dark tights). On this bus seemingly from hell, are people I went to youth group (NCSY) and high school with also wearing the same costume. Everyone is showing his or her advanced age. To say the least, I am kind of freaked out: 1) Why am I on a bus 2) why am I around these people?

I find one person who I never had any issues with and I ask what is going on. They explain we are going to a Shabbaton. My level of freak-out increases. Have I been drugged to wear these clothes? Have I gone insane?

            “No”, They explain, “You called a week back and asked to come. It surprised me to hear from you. You left us, we thought. You were pretty adamant when we were younger how much you hated all this yet here you are back again.”

I go back to my seat and try to asleep hoping I’ll wake up from this nightmare. But I don’t. All the people who mocked me in my childhood are here on this bus. I keep thinking people never grow up and evidently neither did I and that’s why I am here.

When we arrive at the synagogue we unload the bus and we check in. As with all these things, we wait around for our hosts to come and get us. I always used this time to wander the halls to find places to hide and figured I should do the same for this event as well. I went from room to room thinking which one would allow me to “camp out” and nap during the programs. When I reached one hallway, I felt like someone was behind me.  I turned around and there was a friend’s younger sibling, a sibling whom I was always very fond of.  They didn’t wait for me to say a word of salutation:  

“They’re an ass. I can say that because I have known them all my life and I love them dearly. You were the best part of them and I always knew you meant well. One day they will see that. But till then you should stay away. They are here this weekend and they have already seen you. They didn’t think you would still come all things considered. ”

“So what am I supposed to do?” I asked

“Live your life.  I know you have lived it until now like they have living up to everyone else’s expectations. Do your thing this weekend. “

I hugged them and we walked out of the hallway.

The dream seems to end there.

What I do know…

1.     Evidently I “compromised” I agreed to come to the weekend for some strange reason to make the other person happy. I don’t know the full reason.

2.     I never see the person in the dream. They are alluded to but never seen. I don’t know what this is about or why I am even thinking about this person now.

3.     No idea why a sibling would be a guide for this one or why people from my past are around.